MY JOURNEY AS I LIVE A FULL LIFE

What's Worth Getting is Worth Waiting For ...

2008-10-14T13:00:00.001+08:00

Believe me, Its Worth the Wait!
(Indeed, Patience is a Virtue!)

It’s been awhile since I last posted a blog. Well, may be it’s because I wasn’t in the mood to compose blogs for the past few months. Blogging or composing my thoughts are things that I do when I am in the mood to release the extreme emotions that I have - - either when I feel like hell is just a step away from where I am standing or when it seems that the angels are singing for me out of glee…

My life has always been an open book. I know I am blessed but it doesn’t mean that I am spared from the trials and challenges of life. Well, I can say that the not so good things that happened in the past can also be considered as forms of blessings because it helped me become a better and stronger person. Also, the not so good events that I experienced in my life allowed wonderful blessings to enter my life that paved the way for me to make a difference in the lives of others.

Anyway, matters of the heart can make or break a person. In most cases, being broken hearted due to a failed relationship is usually the last straw that breaks a camel’s back. Some people are lucky enough to bounce back after being heartbroken and they turn out to be better and stronger people - - just like me!

When my X (who is happily married now) and I parted ways several years ago, I thought it was already end of the world. Literally, I grieved. I cried not just buckets of tears but drums of it. I never thought that the day would ever come that I will just laugh about it - - fortunately, the day came. It was a long process though - - 4 ½ years of grieving, imagine?! Yup, I tried to date eligible men along the way but it was always a failure. It already came to a point that finding somebody was next to miracle. But, I never stopped praying for the right man to come. I requested God to give me somebody who will fit on the checklist that I made. Well, after being heartbroken for a long period of time, I became more careful or should I say more Idealistic?

It came to a point that I already became impatient that the best man for me would still come. I have psyched-up myself that it’s better for me to be just a groovy old maid for life than giving myself a reason to be frustrated by waiting and waiting for nobody.

Truly, mysterious are the ways of the heart but stranger are the ways of God… During the time that I wasn’t expecting anymore, NEIL came unexpectedly. It was on the fateful day of July 09, 2008, Wednesday when a mutual friend of ours informed me that he would introduce me to his co-faculty. Of course, I was hesitant at first but I eventually gave in after praying for it. To make the long story short, NEIL and I clicked. For me, there was MAGIC since the first day we communicated (take note: usap palang huh, hindi pa kami nagkikita sa lagay na yan!) and for him, there was an instant CHEMISTRY that made both of us conclude that we are indeed soul mates. Now, the rest is history. We’ve been each other’s partners for 3 months only but it seems that we’ve known each other for such a long time already, isn’t it strange?

Whewwww, after 41/2 years of waiting, truly, an unanswered prayer! God is truly so strange. There are so many things in life that no matter how our hearts desire it but if it’s not according to God’s will, it will never happen. And there are so many things that we don’t really want to happen but if it’s according to God’s plan for our lives, it will still happen no matter how we stop it from happening - - what a strange and ironing life isn’t it?

It is so true that when God closes a window, He opens a door so that many more blessings can come in. Neil is one BIG blessing in my life. He has given me a new perspective about life. He has helped me to laugh when it was so hard for me to even just smile. His patience and generosity (not just materially) gives me no reason to feel insecure about myself, in fact, he has taught me to enjoy and love myself all the more.

Nobody knows what the future holds for us. But knowing that I prayed for this gives me so much peace that everything is in the hands of God and He is the one in full control of the situation.

Of course, I am looking forward to the day that I can tell the entire world that it feels so good to be your man’s ONLY love and he is my GREATEST love - - God-willing, may that man be NEIL already.

Now, I can say that everything that I’ve been through is all worth it. It may be a long journey but the trip is worth it. If I were to live my live all over again, I will still take the same route because it is where I met my GREATEST LOVE.

To NEIL, thank you so much. Life has been more exciting and beautiful because I am sharing it with you. I love you my Sweetie!

/~BIGs~\

Where The Girls Are?!

2007-09-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

I belong to an all-girls group (barkada) of 8 - - Katherine Marie, Ma. Natalie, Carla Joy, Joanndee, Meredith Lee, Laya Maria Isabela and Me (Maria Kristina), wait, there’s one missing in the list - - shocks, I forgot her name….. My short-term memory loss is attacking again. Shoot!

Hahaha, high school has always been my favorite stage in my life because of so many reasons and most of them are “baduys” - - hahaha…. And I guess, one kabaduyan of high school is giving our group a name (ako ang nagbinyag) - - Avziganz! Hahaha, I forgot where I got that name… Before, it sounded cute, but almost 15 years after high school graduation, we always end up laughing our hearts out every time we remember those days, hahaha….. funny!

Anyway, my friends and I are all grown-ups already (dapat lang naman noh! ) We are no longer the fickle-minded, sensitive young ladies we used to be - most of the time!!!

We have learned to respect each other’s individuality, knowing that no matter how long we don’t see each other nor talk to each other, because we have our own lives to attend to, we are still very good friends and can rely on each other in times of need…

What I like about my friends, every time we are all together, is that it seems we are the only PERFECT people in this world - - hahaha!!!! Pare-pareho kasi kami malakas mang-api, hahaha!!! Pero we keep everything to ourselves. It is just a way for us to enjoy the fact that we are together…

Time flies, the girls who used to wear UPIS uniform in blue skirt, white blouse (with blue buttons) na mukhang saleslady sa SM, Gregg black shoes, Giordano or St. Michael’s socks, Tretorn rubber shoes and Swatch Watch, are all mature women already.

Katherine Marie alias Pebbles still has the ballerina figure. She’s still conscious about her weight. Yes, she has accomplished her dream of becoming a lawyer (pero according to her, she’s overworked and underpaid.)She is a certified single (as of today, 12 September 2007) but a certified madly-in-love woman, too - - don’t deny it girl!

Pebs (as what we call her) has mellowed a lot (when I say, a lot, it really is, a lot!!!) Before, her every word has “putang ina!” - - now, I hardly hear her say that. She is no longer the very intimidating Pebbles that we used to know - - total transformation, ika nga nila! I guess, this is what maturity and being in-love are all about!

Ma. Natalie or Nats / Talie to her friends is no longer the very sensitive young lady that she used to be. Before, you had to think and be conscious about what you were going to tell her or else….. But not anymore - - Martin, Nat’s husband must have done wonders.

Among all my friends, Natalie and I have known each other the longest (we have been friends since grade 3, almost ¾ of our lives). And perhaps this is why I know Natalie very well. We used to be like cats and dogs; I have always been her “favorite” katampuhan but her attitude towards me has made our friendship unique and strong.

Natalie is now based in Nestle Australia (Sydney) because she married a Filipino-Australian (not only blue eyed but also very patient! – this is what being lucky is all about, diba Nats?!)

This woman is treating Sydney-Manila as if she’s only traveling from Quezon City to Makati, literally. Just recently, she was home for 3 days to satisfy her cravings for Filipino food as she is on the 14th week of her pregnancy.

Carla Joy or simply Carla/Carls is the first one to become mommy in our group. At 31, she is a mommy to almost 12 year old Pau. Oh yes, Carla used to be the darling of many UPIS boys, Apolonio tops the list!)

She used to practice being a Psychologist but later decided to enroll in a nursing school. She is back to being a student while also focusing on her role as a full-time Mama to her very charming daughter, Paula Joy.

My recent trips to Iloilo paved the way for Carla and me to renew our closeness. This woman is still “makamandag” as ever - - hindi halata na dati syang may asawa kaya men would still run after her. I’m sure if Apolonio sees her again, the poor guy will hide again behind the door.

Being a single mom is her choice because it gives her more and lasting peace, happiness and contentment. I just hope that one day soon, Carla will be able to meet someone whom she truly deserves (of course, somebody who will love Pau as his own)

Joanndee alias Joe is the most mature among all of us. In high school, she had the biggest boobs (pero hindi na lumaki! J)She was the first one who had a boy friend, that was why we thought she was going to get married first among all of us kasi mabubuntis siya ng maaga. But I guess, we spoke too soon, kasi at 31 she is NOT yet a mother and can still qualify as single - - at alam na nya kung bakit… hahaha!!!

Joe has always been cool, sometimes her ideas are just so weird (kagaya ng naging hash hash decision nya na hindi naman kami nagkulang sa pag advise, diba?) kaya umuulan ng “ano ba yan Joe, tanga-tanga talaga! “ Pero in fairness, ang reaction lang nya ay - -J smile!!! Parang nasa cloud 9 parati, hindi tuloy naming alam kung nagsi-sink-in or what…. Hey girl, wake-up!

In our group, she’s the professional call center woman - - pero hindi siya undergrad ha or hindi sya makakuha ng ibang work, pero dahil andito ang puso nya… Silent lang ang bruha na ito pero she’s earning a lot - - pautang nga!

Joe, haaay naku, tama na ang STUPIDITY ha…. Suportado ko whatever will make you happy pero please be sure na walang “bata” ang maapektuhan sa katangahan mo, okay?!!

Meredith Lee or simply Meryl is an English-speaking woman when she’s with her other friends. Many people misunderstand her ways, pero the people who know her well enough can say that she is a very simple and very friendly woman who wants nothing but to be happy and to give happiness to others.

Among all of us, Meryl is the most friendly. She can be with any kind of group and she manages to fit in each group without the feeling of being an outcast. Meryl can be sosy if she wishes to, but she can be so simple when the occasion calls for it.

Being in-love is Meryl’s favorite past time. She has to go all the way to Texas to find the real meaning of happiness and I’m glad to know that it’s already beyond her reach.

Meryl’s passion for kids and her search for real happiness are the reasons why she is away from her parents in Manila. She is having the best time of her life being a Kindergarten/ Preschool teacher and living her life to the fullest most especially these days when she’s a certified engaged woman.

Laya Maria Isabela or just Laya is somebody whom I see on a weekly basis. Her being a single-mama to 2 year old Bien Miguel doesn’t prevent us from spending time together. Pero since she is in-love again may kahati na ako sa oras niya!!! Pero what can I do?! I know naman that there are so many things that I can’t give her eh, for obvious reasons, hahaha…

In high school, Laya looked like a geek (as in NERD!), ang laki kasi ng eyeglasses eh. At ang mga trip nya ay parang kakaiba for a regular teen-ager: studying the piano on a weekly basis and she does make sure that she meets up with her Math tutor on time. No one ever thought that this “Manang” looking teen in high school will find a “sperm donor” before marriage, hahahaha…. Pero as they say, looks can be deceiving. Imagine, nauna na nga magka baby sa akin eh nauna pa magka boylette again, whewwww…… Life is so unpredictable talaga….

One thing about Laya that hasn’t changed is the fact that she’s still “deadma” as ever. I really admire her kasi parang walang stressful moments eh, parang always “whatever” ang approach niya in life. Sometimes I’m wondering if this woman has tear ducts, kasi I don’t remember any instance that I saw her shed a tear… Pero you should listen to her remarks - - they make sense!

I guess if there is one person who always tries to understand my moods - - Laya is the name. She has been a witness to what I’ve been through (both happy and depressing.) I know there are moments when she’s having a hard time grasping my thoughts and the things that are happening to me but still she’s always beside me (kahit na minsan inaaway ko na yan!)She has accepted the fact that “sira talaga ang ulo ko! “ Pero, andyan pa rin siya sa tabi ko, no matter what (eh paano parati shopping sa room ko kaya nagtitiis nalang…. J) She’s being paid for being patient with me, hahaha ...

Maria Kristina, ohhhh, that’s me! But my friends call me Tin! I want to believe that my high school ways have changed for the better (dapat lang naman!) There are times though that I am still childlike (eh kasi naman bunso eh!) Pero I have matured in a lot of ways. I guess my experiences after we graduated from high school taught me a lot about the LIFE.

I am still the hopeless romantic Tin who loves to be in-love all the time. Yes, I’ve been In-love. I’ve been hurt and experienced a lot of pain (both physical and emotional) but I am proud that I have survived the challenges and trials of life…

When we were still in high school, I told myself that I should be married at 27. I am turning 31 in 2008 and here I am still single and unattached - - yes, by choice!

Though I am afflicted with a very rare disease known as Multiple Sclerosis, that has paved the way for me to realize how blessed I am. I used to be a negative thinker kaya I called myself “ NEGAstar”. But MS has taught me to see life in a much different perspective. Now I am slowly learning to see the positive behind the negative that are happening in my life.

One of these days, if it is God’s will I am still looking forward to be with somebody special again. But I’m not in a rush as I am focusing on other things which I think are more valuable as I continue to live life to the fullest – having a deeper and more meaningful relationship with God. No, I have not changed my religion and I have no intentions of doing so. I guess I am just learning to find the real meaning of happiness and it is something that you can find not because of somebody or what you own or possess, but it is something you find deep within your system.

I must admit though that there are days that my “insanity” prevails but at the end of the day what is important is - - your desire to be able to make a difference in the lives of people. And I believe that’s the reason why I am enjoying my life’s journey.

Wait! Wait! Ohhh, I remember the other member of our barkada - - her name is Simonette!

We may not see nor communicate with each other as often as we wish to but at the end of the day, we are aware that we are FRIENDS! We will never be alone in times of loneliness and there will always be people who will be celebrating with us in times of gladness - - because we’re the AVZIGANZ!

Be a Gracious Giver....

2007-09-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

Despite the fact that I am afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), I can still call myself…. BLESSED! In my previous on-line blogs, I mentioned that MS has opened the doors for so many blessings to come in. I gained new friends who have all become good friends of the family. I am able to help other people (some of them people that I haven’t met at all, or can be considered as strangers). Word of mouth from acquaintances and friends that I am a loyal friend of PGH paved the way for me to refer people who are in need of quality medical care at low cost.

People see me as a generous person. Sometimes people say, I am “overly” generous to a fault - - hahaha, there is such a thing, ‘coz everything in excess is not healthy anymore. But sharing what I have and being generous truly gives me an unexplainable satisfaction from within, it makes me at peace and contented. There may have been times that other people take advantage of my kindness but I really don’t mind, thinking that I am NOT offending GOD if there are people who take advantage of me.

A Psychiatrist informed me that being a giver or generosity is NOT an inherited trait. Yet it is something that is innate. I believe kindness is NOT something that you acquire overnight but something you learn from people who are influential to you most especially during your formative years. It is not something surprising if people see me as “kind” and “generous” because I learned those positive traits from my parents. Both of them are truly givers (yes, sometimes to a fault, too) My dad doesn’t mind giving his final centavo to somebody in need. He would think of ways to help them. Where can you see a house that has an on-going renovation for 365 days just to give people work? My mom sacrificed being alone and away from home for 20 years just to give her family a life that is far more than just comfortable….

It is too unfortunate for me and my siblings that we weren’t able to meet the woman who must have influenced dad on being kind and generous - - Lola Piting. My mom said that Lola Piting was such a gracious giver. Even though she was in deep pain on her deathbed brought by cancer of the breast, Lola Piting thought nothing of pawning her jewelry just to be able to give something to a friend / relative in dire need.

I admit, I love to go shopping. But my sister can attest that I have been healed of my shopping addiction (I don’t buy 1 particular thing in different colors anymore.) If I have money, I spend. If I don’t have money, I stay at home and sleep. Some people think that I spend a lot on shopping -- yes I do! But I don’t spend everything for myself because I buy things for everyone I care for - - my family (most especially my nephews and nieces), for my friends and for people who are in need (yes, including our drivers and our yayas at home.) I don’t borrow or ask money from other people just to go shopping -- I have money given to me by my parents (most of them coming from Mom’s international “rakets”), my siblings and their spouses, relatives who know that shopping is my way of relieving stress (which is bad for MS). What I am trying to say is, I don’t ask money from others, but if people give me, I welcome the idea….If there is one person whom I ask money from, it is my mom, hahaha!!!!

Of course, I love beautiful things. I love shoes. I love clothes. I love watches. I love bags. Practically, I love everything you see in the mall. But if I buy something, it is not always for me… I share them most of the time with my sister (yes, she’s older than me but she doesn’t mind receiving my hand-me-downs) and with other people.

If there are times that I don’t have money in my wallet or my credit card has reached its limit, that signals that I have to stay home. When I have nothing to spend, I still know how to find happiness and contentment inside our home.

MS has taught me to live one day at a time and to enjoy each day to the fullest. Yes, even if you have millions of money in the bank and you have the means to buy the medicine that you need but still, there is no assurance that you will be healed from your ailment - - what can your millions do?

I believe that money really makes a difference in a person’s life but the person must use it well. Yes, you may have 100 million in the bank but tomorrow you die, what happens to your 100 million? God will not ask you how much money you have in the bank or how many mansions you have. Nor would your wealth on earth serve as a guarantee that you will be living in a mansion in heaven - - no! never!

I believe that kindness begets kindness. If you share (not only to people who are close to you but also to total strangers), what you share will come back to you at least a hundred times more. Don’t be afraid to share what you have thinking that nothing will be left for you, because God never makes the hand of a sincere giver empty - - God will always provide! God will always reciprocate the kindness that you have given to others most especially if what you share is hard-earned.

Yes, God wants us to enjoy life to the fullest. And MS has taught me that the best way for me to live my life is to make a difference in the lives of others. If there are people who would take advantage of my kindness, it is not stupidity or my fault because God knows that I just wanted to help sincerely. It is not my problem anymore if the devil dwells in other peoples’ beings. Nobody on earth is aware of a person’s real motive to others but we just have to believe that though our naked eyes can’t see, there is a God who sees everything that happens around us.

For me, there is no such thing as being “overly “generous because it is always better to be a giver and to share what you have with your family, friends, and strangers, rather than be thrifty (or perhaps, give to institutions you belong to out of obligation rather than sincerity.)

It is a lot better for me to have only 1000.00 Pesos savings as long as I have enjoyed life by sharing the 999.9 million Pesos that I have with others.

God Provides… Always!

God blesses the sincere giver!!!

I shouldn't...

2007-08-18T13:33:00.000+08:00

I am a hopeless romantic person. I love to be in-love. I guess if there is one thing that I’ve been dreaming of, it is to be a bride. Well, who wouldn’t? I like the feeling of being a princess - - walking in a white-long gown with little pastel flowers embedded on it as my prince awaits for me down the aisle.

I must admit though that I never thought of the life after the wedding day or the real meaning of the sacrament of marriage (whewwww, it’s FOREVER!)

After a relationship that lasted for 5 ½ years ended, I asked myself, “am I really ready to be a wife? Am I really ready to talk about forever?!” Gosh, as I was trying to contemplate, goose-bumps started to occupy my entire body - - I started to feel scared. Many “what-ifs” started to run through my mind and I told myself “thank God, I’m not!”

Yes, I’ve been hurt. It took me so long before I was able to recover from the pain that was brought by a failed relationship. But I have not become a man-hater, why would I? But as I look back, I realized that I am not ready yet to enter a commitment that talks of FOREVER!!!!

No REGRETS about the past relationship that failed. I had a wonderful relationship with my “former,” but I guess there was an ingredient missing in our relationship - - friendship!

We weren’t friends before we met. We fall in-love on the first day. We became so preoccupied thinking of how to make our relationship work and at the same time, knowing each other as friends.

It was tough. I realized it is not easy to be lovers THEN friends. There I realized it is a lot better to be friends first and just allow fate to take its course.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept into the entangled intimacy of their sexuality.

As friends, you can laugh together. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other’s company over the long term. Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

I’ve realized that I need a partner with whom I can grow. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate but also become one.

Now I realized that I should NOT fear marriage, just as I should NOT rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation.

So, if someone believes in his/her heart that s/he has found someone with whom s/he is able to grow, if s/he has sufficient faith that can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if s/he has the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom - - easily!

Stop Worrying!!!

2007-02-21T22:03:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am a born worrier!

I worry a lot - - even the most trivial thing!!!

There are always so many things to worry about. But is it really necessary at all?

We worry about things that have already happened. Since we are powerless to change the past, why bother worrying about it?

We worry about the future. Yes, planning for the future is important. But overdoing it serves no productive purpose. Isn't there a saying which suggests that tomorrow will take care of itself? Besides, the future is unpredictable and anyone's life can take a turn for the better or for worse very suddenly - what's the point of worrying about it then?

Basically, the things we worry about can be split into two broad categories - - things which we can change and matters which are out of our hands. For the latter, there is no point worrying. As for the former, well, go do something about it, rather than sitting around moping and worrying!

Worrying is a negative mechanism which has adverse effects on both our physical and mental health. Furthermore, it uses up much time and energy. It's time to cut down on this indulgence!

So, STOP WORRYING - - GOD IS IN CONTROL! TRUST HIM!!!

Scared of Pain...

2007-02-04T12:26:00.000+08:00

At age 30, I've been through a lot already - - physical pain brought by an ailment that has no cure; emotional pain brought by failed expectations - - say it, I've experienced them all... I know that life will never be perfect and as I continue to embrace life, I will be experiencing more. But I'm not sure if the trials that I've been through made me a stronger person by now. If there is one thing that I am sure of though, the challenges that I've experienced made me a better person... But I know that "better" is far different from "stronger" - - I guess, if there is one thing that I am not sure of, it's my readiness to face the frustations of life without feeling fully affected by it....

Honestly, I'm still scared of pain - - most especially the kind of pain that roots from the emotions. Until now, my biggest fear is to "land" at Dr. Ignacio's clinic again... Because of this, any slight change in my emotions, I become so paranoid.

Every other month, it's a personal decision to visit Dr. Ignacio - - to make sure that I am really okay. I don't want to experience what I went through almost two years ago - - that's my BIGGEST fear!!! Heaven forbid!!!

I am very scared of frustration. I can't take NO for an answer!!! And because of this, I have developed this attitude of taking 1 step backward than taking few steps forward... If I'm "falling" for someone and NOT sure if he can reciprocate how I feel - - I'd prefer to stay away from the person rather than landing in the "frustration and depression trap".

I know it's being selfish but if there is one thing I've learned from my Kuya Noy, it's this: "kung ayaw mo ako, ayaw kita - - double!"
Pero it doesn't mean that I don't know how to LOVE (or I'm scared to Love!) because I'm not. If I have a choice, I love being in-love and I am not scared to give myself to someone...

I believe that I need somebody special to share my blessings, joys and life with. But after a failed relationship, I became more careful, less trusting, and more demanding, less willing to compromise - - hoping that I don't get hurt again. This doesn't mean that I have shut myself out of any and all intimate relationships...

I am still making "kulit" God to give me na Mr. Someone who can help me overcome my fear of emotional pain....

May God Help Me!!!

3rd Decade of Existence...

2007-01-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

3rd decade of existence...

I will be celebrating my 3rd decade of existence on earth in a few days - - yes, I am proud to be 30 years old!

My life is far from being perfect - - I had my own fair share of joys and trials ; laughter and tears ; being strong yet so weak... Yes, I am a normal person who has been through a lot. But I am proud to have a very meaningful life. I want to believe that everything that I've experienced for the past 29 years molded me to become a better and stronger person.

My family and friends have been with me through sadness and happiness; during the most trying moments of my life most especially during bouts of Multiple Sclerosis (MS) attacks - - prayers and sincere frienships have been my motivation to keep going.

Of course, I know that I can't have everything in life - - something is still missing in my life (but it is something that God is in full control!)
I am very fortunate for having my family, relatives and friends - - who have been with me - - they are truly my life's assets that no amount of money can ever buy.
As I continue to count my blessings, I am glad that I was able to share it with someone who inspired me to be the best person I should be (not for him nor for other people) but for my own self.

But I am so sorry that I failed him and hurt him by being so insensitive, tackles and sometimes insecure (yes, I am!) As I continue to live life, all the values that "Mr. Someone" shared with me will be my guide as I walk through life's path.
To you, thank you so much for everything...

To my family, relatives and friends, thank you for allowing me to share my life with all of you... The pleasure is mine!

To the people who have "hurt" me, (intentionally or not) - - I am sorry if I also caused you pain or hurt you, too. I may have harmed or wounded your spirit but rest assured that it's never intentional.

I will not tell you that I am going to block you out of my life forever - - because I know the time will come that there are things that only you can do it for me. But in the meantime that I am not yet ready to have a normal relationship with you - - please understand that there are wounds that takes a lot longer to heal... but in-time everything will be okay again!

Its Been Awhile

2006-08-15T22:50:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since I last posted my blog. Life has been a roller-coaster ride for me for the past few weeks - - there were times that I was feeling as if I were on top of Mt. Everest but there were days that I felt as little as a mustard seed. Well, I never really expect that life will always be okay, I mean, perfectly okay... God never promised such a thing...But I guess it's just a matter of attitude... The attitude on how you perceive your own life...

And just what I always tell my 11- month old God-son Miguel (the beloved son of my best friend Laya), " Ninang is the only one perfect in this world! My ninang is perfect!" Yes, I want to believe that my life is perfect!!! That's how I look at the complete picture of my life - - PERFECT!!!

Well, I strongly believe that how you live your life is just a matter of choice - - and my choice is to live a perfect life!

I am blessed - - very blessed! I have a very loving ang supportive family. I have few friends but I don't mind because it's truly a quality kind of friendship. I can buy anything I wish (thanks to m parents!) I have Multiple Sclerosis but its presence in my life gave me the chance to meet excelent doctors who have become close family friends... So, what else can I ask for?!!!

Oh yah, a love life?! Sometimes I miss having "someone" in my life but it doesn't mean that without "him" makes my life less than perfect - - never! I know that having someone special (yes, a papa!) will never ever complete the missing piece as you live your life's puzzle - - it will never be the answer.

It's been almost 2 years since Roy and I broke-up - - and until this very day, he's still the one who occupies my entire heart. I don't think I am ready to commit again because I will just be unfair - - not only to the person "I thought I love but to myself as well... Indeed, your heart can't lie!

I know that there is no assurance that Roy feels the same way - - it is so scary to think that he can't reciprocate my love for him, but I guess this is what Love is all about - - taking the risk of loving someone even though you know that there is a BIG chance that he doesn't love you - and he will never be able to give you the romantic kind of love that you've been longing for...

Just as always, I have offered everything to Him... He knows every detail of my heart's longing - - He has the answer to every query I have. Knowing that God is in-control of everything makes me smile because I know that my hearts wishes and desires are in good hands. I know that God will grant my heart's longing if He thinks it will make my life PERFECT!!!

At the end of the day - - It's still God's call! We just have to believe that He will give us the Best!!!

Heart's Longing

2006-07-31T16:24:00.000+08:00

For the past few days, I've been pinching myself to prevent me from feeling so "blue". I thought it's just the weather or perhaps it's another cycle of hormal imbalance. I am trying my darn best to resist what I am feeling deep within me...

When my talk-therapy with Dr. Ignacio (my psychiatrist) ended months ago I conditioned myself that I don't have the right to feel sad, lonely or depress - - I should be feeling up and about the whole time. I think my BIGGEST fear these days is to land at Dr. Ignacio's clinic again (I beg you, Lord, spare me, please!)

Seeing a psychiatrist is one of my blessings in life ( I believe that it made me a better person!) But to see a psychiatrist (again) because of "relapse" is another story - - not again, please!

Everytime I feel that I'm beginning to fall into the trap of feeling "blue", I always ask someone if feeling sad, lonely and depress is still normal and surely, alll the people I've asked tell me that "yes, it's normal!" Thank God, I'm no different!!!

Now, why do I feel this way? Hmmmm.... My friend Joe F. thinks that I am only wearing a mask when I say that "I am happy with my life!" With all honestly, I can say that "it is not a show!" I am not pretending that I am somebody I am not. What you see is what you get!!! This is me! I don't have to remove the mask because there is no mask at all - - promise!!!

I guess, one of the things that Dr. Ignacio taught me is to be honest with your feelings and emotions - - don't keep it to yourself! And I've learned to be "open" and "true" for the sake of keeping my sanity right on the right track!!!

Anyway, back to why I am feeling blue . . . Why oh why? Well, It is because I miss Roy! Yes, we've been "out" of each other's life for a period of time already but there are still days that my heart and my entire being long for him...

Have I moved on? I think so... I have accepted the fact that we are no longer together and I do things on my own and I find happiness, contentment and peace being "single!"

Did I Let-Go of him already? No and I don't think it will ever come. How can you let go of someone whom you have spent years of your life with? Someone who treated you like a princess and has loved your family as if he were an official part of it.

I think, no matter where life will head me to my heart's longing for Roy will always be there....

Yes, he will forever have a special place in my heart where nobody can ever occupy...

My prayer for today goes like this: I know that I can't take care of Roy now, I am requesting you my God to please take care of Roy on my behalf.... Kiss, embrace him for me.... And if it's your will, give him back to me - - In Your Time!!! "

I have offered my heart's longing to God, may He use it to make me a better and stronger person!!!

Wake-Up Call

2006-07-27T11:58:00.000+08:00

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

how you should look and how much you should weigh;
what you should wear and where you should shop;
where you should live or what type of car your should drive;
who you should sleep with and how you should behave;
who you should marry and why you should stay;
the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10”.... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare.

And, you make peace with the woman in the mirror and you learn to give her the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive[1]”... and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

So, if the day comes and you realize that it's life's wake-up call, you just have to slowly get-up, relax and Offer Everything to God (who is in-control of everything!)

What It Means To Have The Lord In Your Life

2006-07-26T14:01:00.000+08:00

Having the Lord in your life means that you have PEACE and COMFORT in your heart as you walk down any pathway your life has to offer.

It means you can PRAY to a caring and compassionate Father who always has the time to listen and who never fails to understand the hurts and fears that are dwelling in the depths of your soul.

Having the Lord in your life means having the assurance that nothing can ever come your way that you and He, united together, cannot deal with and ultimately overcome. Even though tears, hurts and painful times have come and undoubtedly will continue to come, you can know that He has His hand in everything and things will always work out for your good.

It means that you can be assured, with no uncertainty, that you will be given the strength to endure anything that happens to you, and you will become a better person.

Even though all of these blessings are crucial to our day-to-day existence on his earth, they are small compared to the promise of spending an eternity in His presence.

Therefore, what it means ti have the Lord in your life is knowing the blessed hope of tomorrow and the glorious promise of heaven that He has prepared for us!

What To Do When You Dn't Know What To Do...

2006-07-25T18:38:00.000+08:00

One of the most difficult and yet most powerful lessons we can learn in our life's pilgrimage is that God will make a way for us through our pain and trials if we call on him for help. You can trust him to be present with you and active for you when horrible things happen as well as when you simply feel stuck between your disappointing circumstances and your hopes and dreams for life. You may be clueless about what to do, but God knows exactly what to do and when to do it.

The story and the testimony of millions throughout history is simply this: God still shows up in very powerful ways. The words of Don Moen's beautiful song express this truth so well:

" God will make a way
When there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to his side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way..."

God will make a way for you if you call on him. But here is where things sometims get difficult. Most people cannot see God's way for them because they have difficulty believing there is a way. They fail to believe a way exists out of their particular trial or tragedy of life.

Well, there is good news. We believe that you can find your way through life when you exercise your faith in God . Just as we would exercise faith in a doctor by following his prescription to get well physically, we can get well emotionally and spiritually by following God's instructions.

God is looking for his people. Let us do our best to have an exciting journey as we see the many means by which God helps us to know what to do when we don't know what to do!!!

Self- Confidence

2006-07-25T12:17:00.000+08:00

" If you think, you are beaten, you are;
If you think that you dare not, you don't;
If you'd like to win and you think you can't
It's almost certain that you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you've lost;
For out in the world you'll find
Success begins with a fellows will -
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think that you are all out-classed, you are;
You've got to think high to rise;
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man;
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can. "

Have no fear... Have no doubt...

2006-07-24T20:36:00.000+08:00

Being down with a simple flu or a stomach pain causes a lot of stress already. What more with a disease that has no cure? Last year, after going through a series of test, it was revealed to me that I am afflicted with Multiple Sclerosis or MS.

Though it didn't come to me as a shock because when MS symptoms started to come one by one 3 years earlier, I started reading health books and surf the internet. Being " an alumna" of the "Google University", I already got an idea on what's wrong with me. The neurologist just needed to confirm my self diagnosis...

Of course, though I already have an idea on what's bothering me, the doctor's confirmation is something different - it's the reality!

Being an ordinary human being, I started to panic - many questions started to pile up on my mind. Feelings of uncertainty, doubt and fear began to enter my being. And the BIGGEST question that disturbed me was " can I still conceive and have a baby of my own? "

Gosh! All my life, I never dreamt of becoming an executive of a multinational firm, it's not my cup of tea! I am satisfied with my work at UP. And my "kupit" from my parents is more than enough for me to buy all the shoes, bags, watches and clothes that I desire - can't ask for more!

All I want in life that I've always been praying for is to be a good wife to my would be husband and the bestest friend to our kids. I just want a family I can call my own!

As I was trying to search for answers to my queries... depression and anxiety attacks started to haunt me. I almost lost my mind (literally!) because I wanted things to happen right away...

God is good! He truly works in mysterious ways... As I renewed my relationship with Him, I found PEACE, HAPPINESS and CONTENTMENT. He whisphered through my heart " Don't worry. Don't Fret. I am the one in control!!! "

When I look at my future and thing seem black, God reminds me that He is in-charge of tomorrow. Nothing I face now or in the years to come has not passed first through God's hand.

Even if I am weeping and I've lost all, God is planning a new harvest in my life. I need not doubt. I need not worry... God will provide all I need.

Believe, He is In Control!

2006-07-24T20:24:00.000+08:00

I am a firm believer that " Everything in Life has a Purpose and nothing happens without God's providence... " We just have to continue to BELIEVE and BE PATIENT...

HIS PLAN

His ways are so mysterious
We just can't understand
What seems to us to be so wrong
Turns out to be His plan
He wants to work His will in us
But it brings much pain sometimes
Just like the dross from gold removed
We too must be refined
Don't cower in fear when hardships come
Just trust in Him and know
He has a plan for each of us
We're His, He has control
One day we'll shine like precious jewels
Because we stood the tests
Not understanding all His ways
Yet, knowing He'd do what's best!!!

God's Perfect Plan

2006-07-24T20:14:00.001+08:00

Have you ever wondered where your life is headed to? And while you are trying to figure things out, you suddenly feel frustrated because you just can't find the concrete answer to the question " Where is my life headed to? or What is in-store for me? "...

I guess, the main reason why I got so depressed last year was because of frustration. Yes, I am aware that I am terribly blessed and I don't have any reason to ask for more. But still, I ended up in the clinic of my Psychiatrist, hmmm, why oh why?

As I try to internalize things, I realized that depression sinks-in when I try to control the things that are just humanly impossible - like, getting married! having a baby!

The book of Dalai Lama on Happiness helped me a lot during the lowest point of my life. The phrase that left a great impact on me is this: " To avoid frustration, focus on the things that are present in your life. Enjoy it! Don't think of things that are absent or not available because it will make you feel down and sorry for yourself! " Very True!

Thinking about what's going to happen tomorrow is a no-no while we embrace life. Why? We are not even sure if we will still be given the chance to see tomorrow's sunrise. Nothing that happens to us is a surprise to God, thus, it should give us comfort. Though there are days that seem out of control, I need to remind myself that I shouldn't worry nor fret.

Nothing in this life is beyond God's authority. Even when life seems dark, unfair and evil, God's love will prevail.

In times of doubt, we just have to be PATIENT because God's plan will prevail... In HIS time!!!

Life is... by Mother Theresa

2006-07-18T17:48:00.000+08:00

" Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promis, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it. "

As You Travel To The Path called LIFE

2006-07-18T11:12:00.000+08:00

As you travel through life there are always times when decisions just have to be made, when the choices are hard, and solution seem scarce, and the rain seems to soak your parade.

There are some situations where all you can do is simply let go and move on, gather your courage and choose a direction that carries you toward a new dawn.

So pack up your troubles and take a step forward – the process of change can be tough, but think about all the excitement ahead.

There might be adventures you never imagined just waiting around next bend, and wishes and dreams just about to come true in ways you can’t yet comprehend!

Perhaps you’ll find friendships that spring from new things as you challenge your status quo, and learn there are so many options in life.

Perhaps you’ll go places you never expected and see things that you’ve never seen, or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds and wonderful spots in between!

Perhaps you’ll find warmth and affection and caring and somebody special who’s there to help you stat centered and listen with interest to stories and feelings you share.

Perhaps you’ll find comfort in knowing your friends are supportive of all that you do, and believe that whatever decisions you make, they’ll be the right choices for you.

So keep putting one foot in front of the other,

And take your life day by day…
There’s a brighter tomorrow that’s just down the road - -
Don’t look back! You’re not going that way!!!

You Made Me Smile - thank you!

2006-07-17T22:24:00.000+08:00

A GIFT FROM ABOVE...

I will forever be thankful that God allowed me to share my life with someone who has encouraged me to be the best I can be, not for him, nor for anyone else... But for myself.

His every reminder, I took for granted and considered as a nagging remark... When I lost him, thats the time that I realized the value of the words of wisdom that he shared with me through the years...

There was a time that I cried a river living a life of regrets and kept telling myself " I should have done that.... I should NOT have done this... " But I realized that everything is already water under the bridge. Its time to pick up the missing pieces to become a better person and life must continue to go on...

Today, I would like to thank Mr. Someone Special... Again, Thank You and I miss You!!!

***

A THOUGHT FOR YOU

You deserve to know how special you are. You... of all the people... should have the privilege of knowing how much you mean and how much nicer life is with you in it.
And though those words don't get shared as often as I would like them to, I would like you to know - - today and always - that there are people who even begin to compare with you.

If God would ask me what wish I want him to grant me - - It is to share my life with you again!!!

I need someone who is always there and who always care. I need someone who is just a touch or an email away; someone with whom I can share everything that's in my heart or simply talk about the day in the way tha only the two of us can.

I need someone to encourage me ; believe in me ; to give me a pat on the back when things have gone right and a shoulder to cry on when they haven't.

I need someone to remind me to keep trying and that it will work out.

I need you back MR. SOMEONE SPECIAL ; I know that nothing could be more true and who is as wonderful as you! I LOVE YOU!

Will forever be Dad's Little Girl...

2006-07-17T22:22:00.000+08:00

ATRIBUTE TO DAD ON DAD'S DAY '06

Tomorrow, June 18 is father's day once again - my siblings, in-laws and I will be giving dad a little something to make him feel loved & appreciated (at age 64 and 5 months away from his retirement) - he deserves all the praises that he can get from his priceless possesions - his family!

As a person, dad is far from being perfect. But as a father, I can't ask for more -I'm sure my siblings perfectly agree with me.

As we are going to celebrate father's day 2006 , my message for dad goes like this...

Dear Dad,

You have made a difference in our lives since we were small,
Giving us your love and strength in gentle, caring ways,
You've shared your sense of humor and
You've eased our doubts and fears,
You've listened to our wildest dreams
and wiped away some tears,
You've watched us grow and offered
your support and friendship, too,
Just like when we were still small, we're still very proud to have you as our dad!
Happy Father's Day, Dad!

With my LOVE always, your baby girl,
Tin

She Completes Me...

2006-07-17T22:17:00.000+08:00

A Message for my Angel(a)

I have 6 nephews (Juanito, Martin, Jimbo, Jaggie, Andre and RJ) and 3 nieces (Yela, Belle and Kela) - another addition to my "collection" of angels is coming soon...

They are all aware that I love all of them. They all know that the 8 of them (nobody is 1st or 2nd or 3rd - - all of them are included in my top 2 favorites) and they have accepted (without any grudge or negative reaction) that Angela Gabrielle or whom I fondly call as Minime occupies the 1st ranking...

I've always wanted to have a child of my own but for obvious reasons, I know that I can't have one at the moment. Realizing that fact made me so depressed. But (again) God works in mysterious ways - - He sent me an Angel(a), who completed the missing piece of my life.

Angela Gabrielle is an adorable 4 year old girl, the youngest child of my Manong Pat and my sister-in-law Marichele. I feel so blessed that Angela's parents' unselfishly shared with me their darling little girl and has allowed me to treat her as my very own.

I don't know how it happened but Angela is fastly growing up looking like me (the looks, the mannerisms, etc) and this is the reason why people started calling her Minime (and Angela and her cousins started calling me Bigme.)
Her parents pay for her educational needs and the rest (clothes, shoes, bags, toys, milk, pedia fee), I provide for Angela. The disciplining is shared by both - we want her to grow-up to be a God-loving and responsible woman.

Truly, Angela made a BIG difference in my life. Her charm and innocence makes me forget about life's trials and challenges. She's my Minime - my Angel!

Time flies so fast. I know that one day soon Angela will have a life of her own already - I can no longer decide the clothes and the shoes that she'll wear. Nobody will accompany me to Cibo, Yoshinoya or Pancake House (our favorite restaurants) or will run around the mall's toy section to look for the latest Dora products that she doesn't have yet - yes, one day soon, she will have a life of her own and when that time comes I hope that she will remember these things:

Don't be a coward, fearful and weak
Be the last one to quit, and be the first one to speak
Don't hide your face from the light of day
Be courageous in life and stay that way
No need to run from your trials, troubles and problems
Have confidence in your step as you reflect how to solve them
Yet, if you happen to fall, don't lie there and die
Get up without a thought, and hold your head up high
Be wise, courageous, bold and brave
And life will be worth living, from your birth to your grave.

Angela / Minime, no matter where life will lead you to- - BIGME will forver here to guide and love you - unconditionally!!!

Te Amo Baby Girl!

My Best Friend: Her name is Laya

2006-07-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

GINGER GIRL

MY BEST FRIEND...

Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She know my every weakness,
And the problems I've been dealt.
She understood my wonders,
And listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about life and love,
And knew what it all means.
Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she'd stay long
I reached out to this friend
To show her that I care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there I went...

***

LAYA,

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING!!!
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT I WILL FOREVER BE HERE FOR YOU AND MIGUEL.

What My Heart Speaks

2006-07-17T22:10:00.000+08:00

THOUGHTS INSIDE MY HEART

Have you ever experienced that you want to say something but you don't know where to begin? Are there thoughts inside your mind and even in your heart that you find hard to express?

Hmmmm.... I think that's what I am feeling right now. Good thing that as I was surfing the internet and I found these poems and helped me to share and express my feelings (somehow):

PLEASE DON'T

Don't care for me, I may get used to it.
Don't come so near me, I may not be able to detach from it.
Don't put so much faith in me, I may not be able to handle it.
Don't touch me the way you do, I may not be able to get over it.
Don't become a part of my life. Coz without you, I won't be able to live it.
Don't make me fall for you, I may not be able to fall out of it.
Don't come into my life, If you have to leave one day.
Don't give me the hope, That its forever you are gonna stay.
Coz LOVE is an emotion I won't be able to hide,
When love isn't reciprocated with love,
It hurts deep down inside.
Don't start something that I won't be able to end.
Don't make me believe that you can be more than a friend.
Coz at the end of it all, I don't want hear you say, That,
" I'm Sorry, But I never felt the same way! "

***

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you the opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things. A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings...

Lessons In Life...

2006-07-17T22:05:00.000+08:00

It is easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But it is much more healing to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience, acceptance and growth.

Our past is a series of lessons that advance us to higher levels of living and loving. The relationships we entered, stayed in or ended taught us necessary lessons. Some of us have emerged from the most painful circumstances with strong insights about who we are and what we want.

Our mistakes? Necessary. Our frustrations, failures and sometimes stumbling attempts at growth and progress? Necessary too.

Each step of the way, we learned. We went through exactly the experiences we need to, to become who we are today. Each step of the way, we progresses. Is our past a mistake? No. The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth.
Today, may God help me let go of negative thoughts I may be harboring about my past circumstances.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true gentleness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them. For they have helped you learn about trust and importance of being cautious to whom you are going to open your heart to.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before (like a Psychiatrist!) and actually listen. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.

You can make a difference in your life that no other people can actually do!!!
Love yourself first before you expect other people to LOVE you back...

What God Gives...

2006-07-17T22:01:00.005+08:00

Rainbow AFTER every rainy day...

Often, it is through the most difficult days of our lives that we come to
know ourselves and what is truly most important to us.
No matter how sad you may feel at times, be confident that hope will
awaken with you tomorrow.

FAITH and COURAGE reach out to you; take hold of them, and you will find that you will be able to smile again and truly be happy once more.

How we deal with life is really a matter of personal choice, so choose to be happy. Find joy in the simplest things, and see beauty in each person you meet. When times are difficult, remind yourself that no pain comes to you without purpose.

Above all, trust in God's handcrafted plan that He has made just for you. Let Him LOVE you through life's joyous and painful aspects; if you do, you will find inner peace and unending joy...

She Gave me Life...

2006-07-17T21:58:00.002+08:00

My Mommy Deserves ALL the BEST...

I have gone through so many different changes - -
changing ideas and goals while searching for the right kind of life.
She's always ready to help me at all times. It must have seemed like
I would never follow one straight path. Now that I know what I am doing
and where I am going I can only show you my extreme appreciation for
support by being true to all the ideals and values that you tried to teach
me.

Mom, thank you - -

for always standing by me, even if you don't agree with me;
for your patience and forgiveness even when I don't derserve it;
for letting me stumble and fall, even when you could make things easier;
for always accepting me for who I am and what I believe in, even when you know I'm wrong;
for all the times you've given advice even you know I'm not going to take it;
for all your tears, all your smiles, all your wisdom and all your LOVE ;
Thank you for being the very wonderful person you are.
I am so proud that you're my mother!!!

Happy 63rd Birthday Mom! I Love You sooooo Much!

To be A Groovy Single

2006-07-17T21:50:00.000+08:00

My Choice!

It's been my dream to become a wife and a mother. And my ambition in life is to become a shopping wife, a shopping mommy. But, obviously, God has other plans for me...

I remember, a few years back, I told my best friend, Laya if at 12 midnight of January 1, 2004 and she's not yet married or doesn't have a baby yet, she will be an old maid for life. I guess, I spoke too soon - - Today, Laya is a happy Mama to almost 10 month old Bien Miguel and here I am, still joyfully single - - yahoo!!!

In the beginning, it was so hard for me to accept that at age 29 (and will be turning 30 in 6 months), I am not hitched yet or how come nobody is dating me (hindi naman ako pangit!) But as the day goes by, I realize that the Lord wants me to accomplish something and that's what I am trying to discover everyday of my life...

I know that God wants nothing but the very best for each of us. He wants all of us to reach our full potential, whatever it maybe and yes, it is different for everyone. All of us must remember that God will give us what He thinks is BEST for us.

As I walk in the "single's" lane, believe me, I am enjoying every moment of it. Imagine the life of someone who is living with somebody who failed to deliver a promise? Being single, one can control his or her emotions, you can eliminate loneliness by thinking on the positive aspects of being "alone" : stress-free because there are no expectations ; no sleepless nights if your partner did not respond to your text messages or to your call, no anxiety attacks and sulking in depression when the relationship ends...

Of course, I miss the "idea" of being with someone who holds your hand or who texts you with " i love you ; thank you for being around ; let's have dinner!" But, we must admit that it is not always a bed of roses. I can't handle and tolerate misunderstandings that lead to emotional stress anymore that's also the reason why I prefer to be alone and single because I am in-control of my emotions. I am just tired of allowing myself to be emotionally dependent on someone.

Each new day, I am learning to live a full life. I try to find a purpose other than just living for one's self. I try to reach my full potential every day that comes. I try to be as close and as intimate to God, my master. And I am trying my darn best to live my life in His love and service.

As I go on with life, I realize that the more I try to fix things on my own, the more distorted things become. There are days that impatience overwhelms my entire being - waiting does get on to my nerves and sometimes even develops into a crisis of sorts. Singleness poses a lot of questions without answers and gives much more introspection than needed. But the question of the moment is "what do we do with the wait?" or better yet, " how do we handle ourselves while waiting?" Patience! Patience! More Patience!

My realization just gave me one concrete answer: LIVE!

Moments that build up to hours, days, weeks, months and years are precious gifts from God that are meant to be seized for all that they can offer.

I live joyfully, enjoying each moment and not just passing the time;

I live with great hope that good things will come to those who wait;

I live knowing that I am happy and that I will be happily married, (IF) that is God's plan for me.

I live with fresh hopes and do not mope around with the heavy burden of past hurts from a relationship that did not work - - I did my best, God knows!

I live open to new relationships and I do not go around jaded and negative mindset when getting to know new people;

I live with an attitude of gratitude because I am unquestionably thankful for all that has come my way;

I live with a smile on my face and stillness of heart because I am truly at peace with God's love coming from within.

The great grace of waiting comes when we actively live and not just passively wait. When we do this, we forget all about the negative thought associated with waiting because we get so busy living positively. It definitely does not take away the longing, but it sure does enrich and prepare us for whatever the future holds.

Live happy.
Live freely.
Live believing that good things will come our way - -

And then we will surely reap the benefits that come with lives lived in the grace of our God...

Life's Roller Coaster Ride

2006-07-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

Just Take The Ride...

Look back on your life, and there are bound to be times you felt so down that you felt there's no way you could have carried on. But you made it anyway.

There might also be times you were so happy, with seemingly everything going your way, that you took things for granted. You forgot about the bad times, and forgot to appreciate the good times.

The point here is, life is basically full of ups and downs for everyone. It is a roller coaster which all of us will have to ride. If life is constantly good, then chances are, we will just take it for granted. Maybe you feel that life is constantly bad, but that cannot be true - - you just got to look out for and take note of the good things in life.

So, remember, when things are going well, appreciate it. Enjoy it. But be conscious of the fact that things might worsen any time. Don't let it become fear, because that will hamper your living of the present - just be mindful of the fact that life is unpredictable.

And when you're feeling down, do not allow yourself to get bogged down by it. Remember that you just got to survive that period - you've probably done it before. Know that things will get better someday, maybe soon, and realize that this is going to make you a stronger person. Once you have tasted the bitter, the sweet tastes so much better when it comes around.

(guys, please don't laugh - - crush ko talaga si Peter June Simon of Purefoods Chunkee Giants!)

WHAT LOVE IS

2006-07-17T16:02:00.000+08:00

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry? When we imagine? When we kiss? This is because the most beautiful things in the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and full in mutual weirdness and call it LOVE.

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind, but keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched their lives.

A great love? Its when you shed tears and still you care for him,
It’s when he ignores you and still you long for him.
It’s when he begins to love another and yet you still smile and say “I’m happy for you. “

If love fails, set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies, you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win but those who stand back when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life, you learn about yourself and realize there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you’ve made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
Waits forever when you say, just a minute,
Stays when you say leave me alone,
Opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
Not how you listen but how you understand,
Not what you see but how you feel,
And not how you let go but how you hold on.

It’s more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly. Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win but when love is true, even if you lose, you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone not because that person has stopped loving us but because we have found out that they’d be happier if we let go.

It’s best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that’s available.
Best to wait for the one you love than one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most,
and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms and cries when you cry turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go,
don’t believe that letting go means that you love the best,
instead fight for your love, that’s what true love is…

Laugh to your heart’s content; you cannot go through life without it… 

LIVING LIFE

2006-07-16T16:29:00.000+08:00

Never welcome something you cannot entertain.
Never open your doors if you mean to close your heart.
Never accept love if you can't give yourself in return.
Never start a relationship you know you want to end.
Two of the shortest words in the English language are "yes" and "no" and yet they are often the ones that require the most thought before they are said.

Some thoughts are better left unsaid, some feelings are better left kept yo yourself, but love has its way of expressing itself despite the silence.
Always say you are sorry to people you have wronged.
Remember, it is not always what you say that hurts, but the words that you don't.
Never abandon an old friend.
You will never find one who can take his place.
Friendship is like wine, it gets better as it grows older.
God didn't promise days wthout pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but, He did promise strenght for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way...

Disappointments are like road humps, they slow you down a bit but you enjoy the smooth road afterwards. Don't stay on the humps too long. Move on!

When you feel down because you didn't get what you want, just sit tight and be happy, because God is thinking of something better to give you.
When something happens to you, good or bad, consider what it means.
There's a purpose to life's events, to teach you how to laugh more or not to cry too hard.
You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth.

Life is a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you can spend it onlu once.

Five rules to be happy:

1. free your heart from hatred;
2. free your mind from worries;
3. live simply;
4. give more;
5. expect less.

What the heart gives away is never gone...

It is kept in the hearts of others.

Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risks.
Secure a special place in your heart. A certain place only you can enter. For there will come a time when you need to find yourself and only your heart will show you the way. The measure of love is when you love without measure.

In life there are very rare chances that you'll meet the person you love and loves you in return.
So once you have it don't ever let go, the chance might never come your way again. People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. That's why there's so much chaos in the world... people are being used and things are being loved.

You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages of life. Every commitment is a choice.

Non-choosers and half-choosers are a puzzle to themselves and to others. They live in the immature condition of wanting to "play everything by ear."
Every once in a while ask yourself the question: If money weren't a consideration, what would I like be doing?

It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride...